A Story of Pregnancy Loss

For 3 years infertility ruled my life. It was almost an obsession, every spare moment devoted to looking up things to “help”. Putting off any plans for the future because … what if I was on my period, in the middle of a cycle or .. pregnant!

It was like being on a hamster wheel cycle after cycle trying to get (and stay) pregnant. Being poked and prodded, sampled, scanned and tested over and over again to solve this problem to get pregnant and carry a baby to term.

An endless cycle of emotions.

Infertility created this fear of never knowing if I’d ever get to carry a child to term and afraid of losing every pregnancy.

Even now, with a daughter in my arms and a daughter in the stars, infertility still has lasting trauma. Still emotional at other’s pregnancy announcements - even though I don’t want to be.

#InfertilityIs Still being envious that people can get pregnant without the financial investment of infertility and how unfair it is.

There is an enduring fear that even after birthing a child, that this is too good to be true and waiting for something tragic to happen because infertility has created a fog of the good things in life and questioning whether I deserve it or not.